Grand Masters Hockey European Tournament Trophy 2011- Neuss, Germany.

 ENGLAND LX Club Blue over 65's

Day 1  Monday 22nd August 2011

England LX Blue over 65's  0  v LX Red over 65's  3

For those of you who do not understand cricket try hockey; it’s purely a matter of colour.

The best example I can think of to clarify the issue was a game held during the current tournament in Neuss, Germany. The ‘Blue’ team were in red and the ‘Red’ team were in white. For the benefit of the umpires and to avoid unnecessary confusion the ‘Blue’ team wore blue socks (‘excellent!’ you say – ‘I am with you so far’) and the ‘Red’ team wore white socks (‘ok – you haven’t lost me yet’). It gets a little tricky from here: the ‘Blue’ wore white shorts and the ‘Red’ team also wore white shorts (‘comprehension has not faded just yet – carry on’). The ‘Blue’ wore red shirts and the ‘Red’ team wore white shirts. All seemed fine and in conclusion the ‘Blue’ played the ‘Red’ team and the white team won - 3 goals to nil. But the umpires were so confused (‘so am I’ – I hear you say) that they rather lost the plot and forgot that the 75-minute game was supposed to be split into two, 30-minute halves. Those of us (the ‘Blue’ team that is) who knew this and the idiosyncrasies of the tournament – stopped playing -  and the umpires, now totally befuddled, allowed the game to continue for a further 5 minutes in each half. During this ‘unofficial’ 5 minutes our dastardly opponents sneakily scored a goal in the first half and to add insult to injury did the same in the second half (twice!!!) and whilst we were already in the bar (mentally at least). So, in essence, 3 ‘unofficial’ goals were scored by the ‘Red’ team playing in white. So ‘officially’ it was a moral draw. One has to say, in mitigation, that the goals were scored with great aplomb – two by the flying Keith Hunt who leapt over three defenders and dived 20 yards to deflect a cracking cross from ????, and one by  Max Hamber who, totally unperturbed and despite the amorous attentions (a little hugging here and there) of the ‘Blue’ team defence, completed a goalmouth scramble. I might also add that the ‘Red’ team goalkeeper did not stop a dammed thing. Now you may detect an air of chagrin in this report but I can assure you that that is far from the case; both sides were picked very carefully and with particular attention to the ‘balance’. Now there is balance and there is ‘balance’ and on this occasion the weights were so heavily loaded on one side that the entire mechanism capsized. I am sorry! Have I missed something? Ah! Yes! Well done the Red team - in white.

Day 2  Tuesday 23rd August 2011

Report awaited!

Day 3 Wednesday 24th August 2011

England LX Blue over 65's  0  v Nederland Two  3

A superbly organised and multi-talented Dutch side ran rings round us but we fought gallantly – the defence especially - and went down 3 goals to nil. The first two came very early on and were both very fluky – not even sure that the guy who touched them knew where they went. The last goal was well taken and they deserved the win. Wendy Jackson reckoned we were fast as pits. Not quite sure what she meant – was that some reference to our speed and agility? 

(Has our reporter run out of words or did he have to catch a bus? )